Revelations..

It's been a year.

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 20:03:00 +0000

Can't believe that a year has flown by since I last posted.

Here's to 2008. Here's to another start.

A quick highlight of what I've been up to in the last year. Well, not much, its been a lot of void and bloopers but I'll try to cover them up.

1. Got back to Soccer. After a decade or so. Found a pickup soccer club that plays Sunday morning. People don't believe that I used to be a highschool soccer superstar. May be they would if I didn't suck beyond reasonable doubt.

2. Visited India. After a long time. Was a lot of realization.
Some things never change - beautiful beaches with molaga bajji (fried flour battered hot green chillis - unhygienic but delicious), crazy traffic and crazier driving..
Some things change a lot - married friends, new malls, newer IT parks..
Stopped over London on the way home and Dubai on the way back. It was a real vacation.

3. Got a taste of Vegas. Someone told me that you had slots in the airport. I didn't believe then. Now I do. The amount of money exchanged, I mean donated in that short strip of land is amazing. I came to terms with the fact that gambling was not a good investment option after all.

4. Got a chance to peek at the Grand Canyon. Gives you a sense of security - the next time you think you are in deep shit, think about the deeper things in life and take solace.

5. Age went up. Again.

6. This new year sucked. Pretty much like the last one. For some reason a new year doesn't excite me. It illusions a mirage that things will get better. It reinforces your inability to keep resolutions.

Guru review.

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 06:04:00 +0000

I got a chance to watch Guru at the theaters – I like watching desi movies at the theaters and when it is a Mani production, its a double treat.

Saturday night, when I realized tickets were online at bollywooddc.com it was too late and I asked Ms. P who was at the theater to get tickets for me. By the time she found an ATM and came back to the counter it was house full. Damn.

Sunday around noon I had my tickets booked online for the 9 pm show. Got there at 8 to pickup tickets and there were about 60 people already on the line to catch the most optimum seats. Mr. S and I had to get dinner and as we strolled back saw 100s of people seated inside and also blocking 400s of seats for their relatives and friends who are jussssst on the way and jussssst in the parking lot. “This row all ours”- said a medium aged lady blocking an entire row in the middle section of the theater. Mr. S was agitated and wanted to fight. Only he didn’t.

Guru. Finally. I was excited.

The tale of a ruthlessly ambitious villager who rises to all from nothing by following his flare and passion. Becoming a bijinessman. All is fair in love and war. He plays business - his love, his war – as if there are no rules. He’s blind about his ambitions - sometimes pretentious, sometimes moving.

The first half is a lightning. Guru gets a chance to chase an average Indians’ dream of going to forin. Moves to Instanbul, works hard and makes his share of money. At his prime when he’s given triple the salary and a promotion, he declines it boldly and decides to go back to India with the dreams of making it big.

Things are not very favorable for a common middle-class man. Even his dad doesn’t support him. Guru kicks open the doors which don’t open up when he knocks at them. Challenges loudly and achieves silently. In a short period, multiplies his business by multitudes and rises fearlessly. Makes his identity, grows like nobody can stop him.

Along the way Guru takes some shortcuts to success and they are discovered and he’s put to trial. His mere existence becomes a threat. The remainder of the story revolves around how he takes on the world.

The movie concludes that

***may contain spoilers** (white text, select text with mouse to view)

Guru had to 'flow with the stream' to get where he was and it was not the best thing to do, but certainly the right thing to do. At one point, he marries Aishwarya for the dowry, so he gets the capital to his business. It may be hard to justify, but all said and done, he had more to give than to evade.

Ash adds color and Rahman spreads glitter. Somehow I think Ash is Asher in Mani's movies. Like in Iruvar, she was classy. Abhishek was terrific. Never before, probably never after. Rajiv Menon shines at cinematorgaphy.

Mani of course has signature moments like the train scene after Guru’s marriage. There’s a tingle of subtle comedy throughout.

It’s a nice story with a sharp screenplay. You can enjoy the movie more if you really try and believe the initial “All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental” message without any reliance, you know, on living and dead.

Rich cinematography, pragmatic storyline, stunning screenplay and gorgeous music make it a Mani classic once again. Guru will beg you to watch it again. Maybe again.

iPhone unveiled.

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 15:21:00 +0000

"I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been" Steve Jobs quoting Wayne Gretsky, "Thats what we do at apple."

After all the rumors, buzz and creative prototypes released worldwide claiming to be the new Apple product codenamed iPhone, Steve Job released the "Apple Phone" at MacWorld 2007 yesterday.

It offers 3-in-1:
a cell phone, a wide-screen iPod with touch controls, and an internet communications device.

Apple's new invention (this phone has about 200 patents pending) still sticks to the basic two philosophies. Simple and creative.

I'm a bargain shopper. Tech or non-tech, paying the tag price hurts me. The phone costs $499 for a 4gb or $599 for 5gb phone. It costs half my Sony computer. Even I am considering putting my name on the list when the phone will be release in June 2007 in the US. Asia to wait until 2008.

Reasons for me my fantasizing.
1. The phone has one button. Apple always pushes the right button. They leverage on their strong touch sensitivity demonstrated in the iPods.
2. No stylus.
3. 3.5-inch 480x320 touchscreen
3. Real browser, Google Maps with traffic report, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, POP3/IMAP for Yahooo, iTunes of course
4. Pretty cool efficiency stuff like proximity sensor that dims the screen when the phone is in your ears, finger touch activates the touch pad but knows to ignore unintended screen touches.

And to get somethiing, you got to give something - this is what you give:
1. It is not a G3 phone, only old fashioned EDGE
2. Its not a smartphone in that if you are a heavy weight user of smart apps you are restricted to what Apple provides when you buy it.
3. Can't add memory, what you buy is what you get.
4. No battery replacement.
5. Pricy

Engadget has an awesome coverage of the release. Blogged live.

Apple iPhone page

A new phone is long overdue for me anyway, My Nokia 6800 is begging to retire. I might just buy it. Cos I am dieing to buy or my phone dies on me.

The crown and the frown.

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 16:20:00 +0000

Beauty is much over-rated. So was Miss Universe 2006. I wasn't even aware, did not care, until Ms. M introduced me to the event on Saturday. I was advocated on the opportunity of patriotism. Influenced, I decided to watch the grand finale. This decision meant I was willing to halt my LOST-1 marathon that was going on non-stop from Friday night.

It was going to start at 8 pm and I was all ready. Only a Spanish channel aired the preview and I was glued to the TV (despite the stupidest ads ever and audio that I had no clue of) just to catch the glimpse of our star participant. Miss India, Neha Kapoor. But they missed India and didn't show her at the preview!! What a disappointment. Bummer. *Frown* (this is where I stealthily make the title that rhymes count - its almost like this in IT. We invent a fancy acronym and then plug in the expansion). After this unruly act, all of a sudden a collection of pageants looked Indianish! In true spirit, I started extending support to sorta Indian looking babes Ms. Bolivia and Ms. Columbia while Ms. M totally disapproved it and accused me of being a traitor.

9 pm and the real show was on. There were a few learnings from the program:

1. New countries are being formed every day and beauty pageants are the most effective ways to announce it to the rest of the real world.
Quoting Ms. M, "St. Martin sounds more like a school than a country :p"

2. Starting this year, they allow laaaaarge costumes so you can legally block the view of 16 contestants behind you.

3. You can ALWAYS count on Ms. Venezuela.

4. Africa has more countries than you think.

5. The 800 diamond crown is worth $250,000.

6. You can send flowers to the pageant of your choice from $19.99 to $399.99

7. The Official Swimsuit Poster of Miss Universe 2006 is yours for just $5. No, I did not buy it. Not yet.

8. Beauty sells.

Overly under-rated hidden talents of India.

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 15:40:00 +0000

There's something we Indians are really good at. Coding. Ya, but take another guess. Slogging? Ya, but that's not what we are looking for.

Thank God we can copy-paste, at least the other continents can change their mindset that we are all about snake-charming, tiger taming, gorilla tickling, etc. People, there's more to India than what you see in the documentaries. And no, we don't go to work on elephants wearing a turban.

There's something else Indians are really good at but extremely underrated by the IT buzz. Eating! Yup, eating.

If you aren't Indian, do not underestimate your Indian lunch pals. They may just seem normal, regular people at the lunch table. Not by choice.

The equipment displayed here is what we carry food in - called tiffin carrier. Yes, you heard it right, not airline carrier or cellphone carrier, food carrier. We take food carrying very seriously. How the hell is this thing supposed to make it through the office security? Its kind of hard to convince that 9.25 layer tray (there is a small tray for 'achar' or pickles) full of colorful exotic ingredients contains food and food only, not a home beta project of a bomb maker.

Ok, if you find it hard to believe me, invite yourself to an Indian home. You are sure to find 279 varieties of spices, non-spices, more spices, natural flavors, rare botanical specimens, ground powders, leaves, bark, roots, stem, xylem and phloem of several extinct species of plants. You probably never heard of all these, but we grow them all in our backyard. A kitchen is nothing short of a factory. Our concepts of supply chain management and ERP start in the kitchen.

History talks for itself. Theres got to be a reason why the British East India Company, when they targeted India in 1600 (By far the only 'date' that I got right in my History papers. Luckily I was born on the 16th and I drew 00 under my shoes) laid hand on our spices. Not gold, not money. "How to take the Indians? Hit their most valuable asset. Food!"

I digress as usual. Now lets jump to specifics. Eaters in India can be classifies into 2: Southies and Northies.

South Indian Style

The early southies were very cliever. They realized that serving all the food we manage to produce at the food factory would take a platter of about 4 feet long and 2.5 feet wide and need about 30 lbs of metal (we don't like to import chineseware from China, we simply don't like them competing our population explosion initiative). This platter would also be impossible to store, wash and maintain - hence we resorted to leaves that grew bigger than the trees, plantains. The one size fit all solution to the platter problem. A few smart ass Southies did manufacture the platter. Later on they found use as armors in civil and barbaric wars.

What you see here is the first of several "laps" of food consumption exercise. Five "laps" of continuous eating is Southie's own version of work-out-as-you-eat fitness program.

The square meal is unheard of in India. Its either a humungous ellipse (refer the image above) or a mammoth circle (North India is coming right ahead). We only eat 9 to 13 times a day, depending on whether we are dieting or not. Every celebration is accompanied by the bandwagon of foods that need to be cooked to mark the occasion. Or the Gods would be angry, you know?

Our specialties are rice, rice and rice. We have invented some 1227 dishes that are rice based. From sweet to extra hot dishes. Whenever we invent a new recipe, it is immediately tested by mixing it with rice. Since Southie food is so complex, it is beyond the realm of what forks, knives and spoons can handle. So we eat with our hands, which upset the table etiquettes of a few hundred countries, but we don't care.

North Indian ISHtyle
(what, you North Indians can mock at our "Yumm" and "Yenn" and "Ellow"?)

Northies aren't to be underestimated either. Instead of rice, they chomp of tons of wheat. Lucky b@$#$#@% though. They eat a bit healthier than the southies.

They compensate their healthy lifestyle pretty well with their sweets loaded in ghee, cashews, sugar. A typical North Indian lunch food starts with a dozen desserts. Three dozen chappatis (wheat bread) or Naan (flour bread - the kind you get at Kabab places or Indian restaurants) with 20 side dishes and then ends with desserts again. Note that the picture here depicts 1/7 serving for one person only.

If you need to gain weight, you don't need to wait. Just go to a food festival in North India. These places are identified by Jigines weds Sonali. Its a never-ending explosive spread of food that immobilizes you for a few hours after you eat and perform a complete stress check of your digestive system.

So, thats the story. We don't like to display "Nutritional Facts" on our food products. Anything that comes in the way of invading huge quantities of delicious food without guilt is not tolerated. Furthermore, computing the calorie count in our foods would require a project with a lot of funding.

I love us!

The finding of Bachelor Cooking.

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 15:37:00 +0000

We have this potluck at work. The last time I had potluck I was in luck. My aunt and my cousin came to my rescue and made delicious Pav Bhaji and Chicken Tikka. It actually made me popular at work despite the bad reputation I had - hard earnt with my stupidity and practical jokes.

What do I do this time? Popular categories like cups, plates and sodas were gone before I could put my name on the intranet.

Oh ya, intranet. This time there was public humility at stake as well. Who invented this concept of potluck? I sigh.

After eons of deliberations and sleepless nights I found the magic.

Badam Kheer. Thanks to MTR.You got to love the recipe.

Badam Drink (Hot and Cold)

Add 2 tsp (about 15g) of MTR Badam Feast to 1 cup of hot milk (150ml).

Add sugar if desired.

Stir. Serve hot or chill the same for cold badam drink.

So I registered to bring Badam Kheer (Almond Dessert Drink, I proudly translated) and prepared 2 gallons and put it in the fridge. Other than minor "not really my fault" incedents like boiled milk spilling all over, paper towels catching on fire, discovery that aluminium foil is a bad substitute for funnel, etc. the preparation went on pretty well.

My dessert is chilling at home. Potluck is tomorrow. Now for the garnishing part. I search recipes for Badam Kheer for garnishing ideas. I bumped into this Indian cooking site which had several categories like breakfast recipes, chutney recipes, rice recipes etc. Much to my surprise I saw a category "Bachelor cooking".

If you are a bachelor, stuck up in an isolated place and missing your mom's cooking like anything, browse through this section for some quick and easy recipes. Yes, contrary to popular belief, plenty of bachelors around the world can whip up lovely delicacies in a jiffy, with whatever's available in the house. Conversely, many a married guy makes for the worst cook. However, bachelor culinary expertise is fast becoming an artifact these. days, thanks to frozen and take-away foods. Whatever be the ambience, check out these quick delights and have a rolling time.

Interesting!!

Reverse fashion.

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 20:48:00 +0000

Often times fashion repeats itself. Looks back in time.

My dad used to say "parallel" pants were reincarnations of good old (old, I get it, but good old?) "bell bottoms" and that fashion comes back at you after you dispose off your old-fashioned stuff. You buy the same thing again and the process repeats. Abercrombie for instance, I can never tell if its a new clothestore or an old warehouse. Unironed clothed, unneatly kept. At unrealistic prices. Thats when you know its new clothes. Or newest, because its fashion!!

Almost seems like technology is doing the dirty job again. How many old rotary dial phones do we still have at home? If you found one, it probably found its home mom's cupboard of useless things (where floppy disks, black school shoes from grade 3 through 11 times number of kids in the family, 386, 486, clothes that don't fit anymore but hoping the 20lbs holiday weight accumulated 6 years ago would melt away, overstocked free stuff, or even dad are sometimes stored) How about offices that have typewriters? If offices have one today chances are that they are government, bankrupt or museum - so lets give them a break.

Here they are - reinventing themselves again. What you see here: a cell phone and a keyboard. For only $499 you can get the cell phone. the ugly annoying ringing is included for free!!

From the inventors/freaks:

My wife suffers from repetive stress problems in her fingers and wrists. Sometime in October we were talking about different keyboards on the market for people such as herself. In the course of the conversation she mentioned that she finds old-fashioned mechanical typewriters much easier on her fingers because they offer gradual resistance rather than the feeling of moving through air then hitting a wall, like most computer keyboards. Ah-hah, I think to myself! At last I know what I will give her for Christmas. The first weekend after Halloween I went out and found an old Smith-Corona and got to work.

All you have to do is open the phone, insert your SIM card, and turn the unit on! The unit will utilize your phone number and account minutes. Phone dials out like normal through the rotary. Incoming calls ring the original, loud, gong style metal bells. Please note: As with all cellular phones, there is no dial tone.

The description reminds me of a friend who just came back from her vacation to India - "Your (cell)phone is not working. There's no dial tone!!"

Don't let those geeks be idle!

Red means go

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Tue, 01 Aug 2006 00:38:00 +0000

One might wonder with characters like Ms. S, that girls have immense foresight and are always looking ahead. Except that Ms. S is an exception.

Scene 1:
You are on the passenger side and a girl is driving the car (and/or your fate, actually!!). Its all good, the car is cruising at 40s, nice music. What can possibly go wrong? Wait until you see a red light. So there is this red light staring at you. There's a reason they chose red. Its blaring, can't miss it, red is danger, right? You wish. This car has no intentions of stopping, steady, still at 40, like red means go. The surprise quickly translates into a shock. You go "Hey, hey, red, red, hey you.." *car breakkkkkkkkkkks*

"Oh I was looking at that next light, it was green.. hehhehee"

Scene 2:
Shopping mall, wildlife sanctuary, ship, prison, no matter where, as long as there is a door with a sign "DO NOT USE THIS DOOR." you can bet $90,000 or more that a girl will use that door. Or try hard to if its not cooperative. Its as if they suddenly they lose their 18 years of literary ability. They can't read.

Letters or colors. They can't read. Unbelievable! We tested this on 12,211 female subjects. 12,210 subjects demonstrated the above behavior. Oh, 1 was a guy dressed as a girl.

Note: If you are a girl and I don't open the door in front of you, its only because some experiement is in progress, not that I'm not gentlemanly.

The Geller effect

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 12:44:00 +0000

I have a "Monica type" friend. Ms. S. Of course she denies it but here are a few sample activities:

1. Her movies at home are arranged in alphabetical order.
2. Her clothes are organized in the order of rainbow color shades. I'm sure she's got one of those complex looking physics lab "-scopes" to maintain accuracy.
3. Most things she buys undergo initial antibacterial, antiviral treatments before use. Yes, we are talking about new things. Manufacturing facilities these days, you never know.
4. When you visit her you most probably get a complementary supply of germ-x and a napkins.
5. Recently she is researching on how cleaning products can be cleaned.

Reminds me of F.R.I.E.N.D.S,
Monica is vacuuming the carpet. Then she uses a handy vacuum to clean the vacuum machine and goes "If only they had smaller vacuums to clean this one."

You get the idea.

Ms. S' latest classic:
"I would bring you the DVD but I already packed it.."
"Oh you found a place? Where are you moving to?"
"No, but I started packing" (D'oh!! written all over her)

Other suggestions:
You can wake up before you sleep.
You can get off work before you go to work.
Etcetera. Etcetera.

(updated)
Spotted at Ms. S's:

Yellow sticky to Ms. S read..
"Now you wanna be Ross? What's with you and the Gellers?"

Note:
One may not trust me with my bad prior history of rare, mild exaggeration of things, but I swear this is true.

The French Head Butta Game

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 01:58:00 +0000

Zidane. From starred to barred.

One of the few players the world was watching this worldcup. Some men never get enough... and get famous the infamous way. Can't believe he ended his career that way.

Anyway, it was a treat for creative gamers. Check this out!!

http://www.addictinggames.com/zidaneheadbuttgame.html

Finest in fine print

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Sun, 09 Jul 2006 23:01:00 +0000

Heard on radio a few weeks ago. After a commercial when they say the fine print stuff at the end.

Like "Zamestrica PM relieves pain from your dull head in milliseconds and gives you a good night's sleep so you can continue to have your nightmares. Zamestrica PM is proven to provide fastest relief. The money you pay for Zamestrica PM will give you so much pain and grief that the original pain feels like nothing!! Ask your doctor if you can try Zamestrica PM" You should not have Zamestrica PM if you have diahoerrea, cold sore or stinky feet. Side effects include losing hearing ability, losing balance, vomitting and in some cases dieing"

This was not after a Zamestrica ad, but some ad I did not pay attention to. End of it said "Life is precious." As part of fine print message. Sometimes we forget simple things in the mundane, fast track, busy lives we lead. We get older day by day and forget to realize the preciousness of life.

That message revitalized the fact that "Life is precious" and a moment to think. Sometimes the finest thoughts come out of a fine print.

Observed absurdity

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Sun, 09 Jul 2006 22:13:00 +0000

Ok, here's a pet peeve I've been petting for a while.

Scene:

A meeting at work where the conference line is open.

Seen:

Admist heavy discussion whether it would rain heavily this weekend or would it be sunny.. Oops that was going on in my mind. I waver every time we have a meeting and I can't get enough from 8 people repeating the same thing 8 times. Well, I mean I waver every time we have a meeting.

Well the actual discussion was about "should we update something in one place or update something in both places". That's not important here. When someone says something seemingly important, the caller on the conference call goes "I can't hear you, can you speak up please?" and at least one person sitting by the phone relentlessly INCREASES THE PHONE VOLUME
ON OUR END".

I just don't get it. What does the person increasing the volume think in his head??

"I can't hear you"
(Increasing the volume) "Well, we can hear you, and now we'll hear you better now."

"I can't hear you"
(Increasing the volume) "Oh here we go, pushing up the phone volume increases the vocal chord pitch of every one in this room, how cool"

"I can't hear you"
(Increasing the volume) "Too bad for you, now at least you can hear yourself louder"

"I can't hear you"
(Increasing the volume) "Oh let me do a magic"

I am not kidding, I have observed this absurdity at least 11 times by 11 different people. Common sense like they say, is so uncommon!

Dude, wheres my car tags?

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Wed, 31 May 2006 20:40:00 +0000

I am a practical guy. I am a funny guy. (This claim comes from the opposite gender treating this as a #1 quality in guys. Not good guy, not a teetotaler guy, but ya, funny guy. I was late to know that, not too late to evolve funniness in me) That gives me a lot of opportunity for practical jokes.

Alright, this was a few weeks ago. Had a busy day at work, I was listening to music and staring at the computer like I do every single day. My roomie, Mr. S shows up and goes "Why are your number plates on your bed?". Well thats a quality, more like a virtue, imbibed by years of religious ignoring of my dad's advise, warnings and orders to "keep things where they are supposed to be". Can't believe he used to say that. The world would be so boring, so predictable. Ridiculously ideal. No need to search for anything, no Google, no GMail, imagine??

Anyway, I tell him "Didn't you see the apartment notice near the mailbox?"
"What notice?"

"There was a notice for the residents. Yesterday someone stole the licence plates off 20 something cars"
Puzzled, "Wwwwwwhat??"

"You didn't glance at the other cars when you got off, did you? Everyone's walking around with number plates in their hand."
"No, I didn't notice"

"Hmmm, yes, so until they respond to this incedent by putting security into the apartment they advise us to remove the number plates and take it with us"
"Are they crazy? Who an earth will remove the licence plate when we get off the car? It's not the key to bring it with us when you get off.. Wait a minute, you are kidding, right"

"What kidding, they aren't kidding. They even quoted a clause from the lease by which the management is not responsibile for your car while parked in the apartment premises"
"What lease? What crap? These people are crazy I'm telling you. I am going to sue them. This place is hell."

"Well I took my tags off. You might want to take yours off, you don't want to be stranded tomorrow morning"
"Are you telling me I got to screw and unscrew every time I want to use my car, this is ridiculous"

"Up to you"
"Let me go and read the damn notice. How dare they..#^$%&@" mumbling and fading away as he walks downstairs.
Me goes ROTFL. I couldn't believe this guy buys my stories. Could not guess I changed my licence place from my moving from MD to VA.
Oh he's back from a quick fun trip to the mailbox "Damn it. Idiot. #$&*@^$&#"

50 paise presents Laddoo Shop

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 23:39:00 +0000

Oh I'm falling in love with this video. I think the venue of this shoot from the Patel Bros at College Park. This is probably a DC Desi team !!!

Google Calendar launched!

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 04:44:00 +0000

Google Calendar was launched tonight! In about a couple of hours, 1200+ diggs!

First looks, sweet. Google sails smooth and sells itself with its amazing usability. Few clicks and I'm convinced this is easier than Lotus Notes.

Beauty "lies" in the eyes of the beholder

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 02:17:00 +0000

Thanks to people who forward crap. And stuff like these.

Cell phones that inhibit communication.

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 00:32:00 +0000

The other night I went to this Thai restaurant with a friend of mine. Right across our table was this young Indian couple. Both of them were on the cell phone engaged in some serious conversation. Their food came. They were still lost in the cell phone talk. We ordered food. They must have something really important going on. Our food came. They go on and on and on. No signs of cell phone advertisement around. I get curious. Probably, probably they have to hang on the conversation. Or they'll die. The Night Shyamalan in me started to play the play. At one time I consciously noticed if they were talking to each other on the cell phone. You never know, we Indians sometimes, (who am I kidding? always!!) have this habit of abusing anything that's free. Are they making "use" of the free night minutes?

This was getting more interesting than the Thai delight that was served.

Sometimes I wonder if technology gets too much into our lives. Long distance communication is so accessible that we don't get to talk to people right in front of us.

Oh yeah, they finally hung up, hastily munched the food and walked out. If only there was handsfree eating!!

Cell phones that sell

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 04:44:00 +0000

Woohoo!! You thought cell phones were only to talk? To text message? To take pictures? To make vidoes? There's a lot more than that. You gotta see it to believe it!!

Machi machi too muchi!

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Sat, 25 Mar 2006 03:06:00 +0000

Two kinds of people will benefit from this post.

1. Thamizh pesum nallulagam - "Tamil speaking fellas" will reassure themselves of their innate potential to tolerate the mass destruction and gang raping of every Newton's, Pascal's and Rascal's law by mass media. In the name of cinema. You identify and relate to the hero code-named "Captain". Seen that, been through that, but its never enough. Watch it one more time and get enthralled.

Be Proud.

2. Folks who have no clue what I am talking about. You never know what you have been missing all your life and previous births. Man, you just got to see it to believe it. Three never-before-never-after historic clips of our Captain's original talent have been hand-picked for your own viewing pleasure. Our own reply to Star Wars, Matrix and Spiderman put together. Presenting the best of "Captain" Vijayakanth for your viewing pleasure. With subtitles for global outreach. Fasten your seat belts.

Be Baffled.

Bonus material for Orkuters:
Includes kadhai, thiraikkadhai and vasanam in Thamizh for Captain's new movie ideas.
http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=736207&tid=5531050
http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=736207&tid=10324066

#1

#2

#3

Cop Car Crap.

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Fri, 24 Mar 2006 02:35:00 +0000

Tuesday morning. I decide to leave office a bit earlier that usual. Sunny day and morning radio make me all excited. I cruise along the road and drive faaast so I can beat the signal light like I do every morning. That's when I spot a cop car. Copppppp. Reflex action couldn't function better. Instantly I apply the brakes and watch the dial in front of me. 60s, 50s, 40s, should be just about right, I hope.

Goddddddd, Godddddd, Crapppppp. Copppppp. The cop car takes off as soon as I pass it. I know the drill now, been through this "get caught and temporarily be careful" cycles 2 times. Red and blue blinks right before me and I stop. "Sir, you were stopped because you were driving at 57 in a 35 zone. Can I see your licence and registration?". Holy crap. That would be state #3 that gave me ticket for speeding. As he was writing me a ticket for some reason Chennai Police hainted my mind in a flash. Along with the instances where I carelessly swifted through them before they could get me. I'd know they are hiding behind Gemini flyover pillars to catch people who run the red light but the hero in me knew exactly how I must maneuver to get past them. Practiced. Perfected. Taking turns in a no turn area. Making U turns whenever I felt like. Changing lanes like nobody's business. Crossing red lights until it was physically impossible. If they wrote points for my offences like in the US, I would have got state first or something. I would have made my family proud for once.

I used to mock at their helplessness. What goes around, comes around. Life teaches lessons. I stare blankly at the ticket and listen to the officer say "Here's your ticket sir, drive safe". Damage is hundred and freakin forty and freakin five dollars. I am on "get caught and temporarily be careful" phase again. Damn.

Hello this is Chad Chowdary, how may I help you?

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Tue, 21 Mar 2006 02:03:00 +0000

Friday night, all of your friends are out partying either becuase they are plain lucky or because you just suck. No one home, TV just does'nt do it tonight. What do you do? I don't know what you'd do but this is what I'd do. Call any damn Customer Service after 9 EST and if your insurance provider, cellphone operator, plumber or the cleaning lady is smart enough, the call will be directed to a few continents away. Hamara India.

Time to pick on our call center friends.

If you get serviced by the right guy or girl, you got free entertainment. Keep some stock of popcorn, pop and pizza. How often can you call your family and friends paying 12.9 freaking cents per minute? (0r 6.9 cents per minute for one way conversations) Here you talk to someone in India not necessarily family, but hey! make friends dude!

Ok, I don't do that every Friday night, but I could. This post is dedicated to this guy who I am holding on right now and many others whose primary aim in life is to entertain me from thousands of miles away. As it happens, this is a genuine call to straighten some of my car insurance stuff, but waiting till 9 EST was quite some match-fixing effort.

Some of the salient entertainment features of this call: (This salient word was such a doh! every exam had it and I just hated it)

1. I was placed on hold the first time so he can do some "research" on my policy information. That research took a while, here I am chatting, thinking and fishing for million dollar ideas and getting more hungry, I only hope his research went on well and he got his PhD degree out of that.

2. He came back to me and asked me the same questions he did when I first called. I perfectly understand that he had to make sure I was not drunk since I last spoke to him, sober, could recite the alphabet, recide poems and capable of giving the same responses each time I was questioned under scary and extenuating circumstances.

3. It made no difference to him that I had a Honda Civic. He just kept referring to it as Honda City all along. I am sure that was premeditated to make me feel 'at home on Indian roads'. It made me feeling like I was honked at from all directions.

4. After one of those "can I put you on hold so I can discuss this policy with my superior" (the closest I could think of is supervisor) expeditions, he came back and said "I have good news, Sir"and reported that the policy amount actually went up. Since when did money become a bad thing? You can start to feel happy when they rip you off.

5. There was this one problem he could not help me out with. He says he will give me a call tomorrow to discuss the same and asks for my number and best time to reach me. While he was at it, I'd so much appreciate if he can conference call my mom. I'll try asking him tomorrow.

It used to surprise me why they use American names and fake accent while we have our Indian signature underlined and bolded in our accents. Nowadays you hear the Indian names itself, Chowdary talks to you instead of Chad, Navneeta instead of Nate. Quite a relief. Think about it, we learnt English from the British, we do business with Americans, but we invented our own Indian English and stuck to it. Pretty cool.

This post is meant to be taken in the lighter sense only, no harm meant to anyone. If you still feel you have been hurt, just get over it, truth hurts ;)

What's so Bunsen about the burner?

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Mon, 20 Feb 2006 22:49:00 +0000

I was going over this article about UML and RUP and principles and methodologies and processes (Ok, ok, for non-technocrats with no prior Dilbert exposure: this is supposed to be the tactic by which I impress upon my mundane, 'any damn guy can do' job.. don't tell the any damn guy, I could use lesser competition.. by the way 3 letter acronyms are becoming less popular and less techie, need to invent and use more 4, 5 and 6 lettered ones until they sound like words themselves).

I was presented with a cartoon that shows how different 'stuff' reacting together to produce new 'stuff' (non-technocrats, here is the part where you stand up and appreciate my stepping down the elite geekiness). They used a chemistry lab depiction where this A+B+C -> D happens. And the reaction was sponsored by our own, the one and only Bunsen burner. (I had to squeeze through the nine years of chemistry I forced into myself to remember this Bunsen guy.) This post is not aimed at avenging Bunsen for the two points I lost because I could not remember his stupid name. And no, he was not the only one who contributed to my hatred to Chemistry. He was just one and I have reasons slam him today.

So I ask myself, whats so Bunsen about the burner?

Some guy was creative, insightful and thoughtful enough to prove for the first time that a burner that you use for other everyday essential activities like melting used plastic pens, lighting cigarettes, scaring pets away, heating up the chair before the teacher sits on it, etc. could also find use in a chemistry lab. Good job! Great!! Thanks!!! But people, get over it. That didn't even deserve calling it the Bunsen burner for like an hour. Or all of Bunsen's life. And by no means we should address the burner like that forever into the future. That makes me so wild. Here we are technologically unchallenged, with the invention of CD burner, DVD burner and the Dual DVD burner and still who wins hands down? Bunsen Burner! Damn it! Lucky B#$^@%. I mean, lucky Bunsen!

I would be so damn pissed if I were Edison. Freaking people, after spending the whole of my life inventing light and discovering other things which no can ever see - like the electrons (thats the beauty, met anyone who questions the very existence of electrons?). And you people honor Bunsen. All I get is a city in NJ where Indians spit at my invention in every direction. How are we to convince Edison that we don't mean to tranish his image, all we are trying to do is to preserve our heritage.

Oh Man, thanks to Wikipedia, I found this article that adds fuel to the fire. Or Bunsen fuel to the Bunsen fire.

Robert Wilhelm Bunsen (31 March 1811 – 16 August 1899) was a German chemist. He perfected the burner that was named after him, invented by British chemist/physicist Michael Faraday, and worked on emission spectroscopy of heated elements.

So technically this guy did not even invent the burner in the first place, all he did was "perfect" Faraday's burner. There are no references in the article about the killing of a German chemist by a British chemist) A stitch in time could make history. Faraday Burner could potentially become the Bunsen burner. This Bunsen guy sure had phonetic advantage. May be Faraday should have tried Faraday Funnel or something. Oh, he did do something! He probably got mighty pissed when Bunsen stole the lamp, wiped it clean, painted and wrote the word Bunsen on it (read as "perfected"). In his own capacity, he earnt credit for the unit of capacitance, the Farad.

Well, after all, this Bunsen guy had something. For people like me, who cannot find the time to invent stuff admidst several social and antisocial commitments, this guy is a true inspiration. I am on the look out to find something I could perfect. And the world shall gloriously have its own Sri range of products:

Sri Satellite, Sri Sky, Sri Shoelace.. What's the S word? Any suggestions?

Its so true, necessity is the mother of invention!

There are two kinds of people in this world

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Mon, 13 Feb 2006 18:30:00 +0000

Ok, theres something with the recent Hindi movies I saw:

Bunti Aur Babli
"There are two kinds of people in this world, those who lead and those who follow. I am of the first kind."

Rang De Basanti
"There are two kinds of people in this world, those who die screaming, those who die calm. And theres the third kind."

My Story
"There are two kinds of people in this world, those who buy shirts that fit them, and those who buy shirts that they want to fit them. I am the second kind, so there is a shirt I bought, and to fit into it, I need to get fit. Fits my plans!"

The plan A is,
in 6 months I would get into the shirt more easily it without stretching the the hell out of the buttons

Oh theres always Plan B!!
in 6 months, at the least get into the shirt without breaking the buttons.

This is the latest resolution - to lose some pounds I could afford to lose without having to give self incriminating disclosures like these:

Ms. P: I weigh about 100 pounds. I've been like this for 10 years.
Me: (Damn it! Now stop making me feel bad and skip lunch. And overeat dinner)
Ms. P: Shri, whats your weight?
Me: (Ouch!!. How do I escape this conversation?? This has got to stop!)
"Somewhere between 100 and 200"

Girls, if age is just a number, so is weight!

GMail Drive - Pretty Cool Stuff!

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 03:05:00 +0000

Theres a neat program that makes your GMail account a virtual drive on your computer.

All you need is a GMail account and the Gmail Drive software

1) Download Gmail Drive
2) Install

3) A drive named GMail drive will be created under My Computer just like your C:
4) Double click on this drive, login to GMail account. You will get a space of 2.6 GB, the number that grows everyday sitting in your mailbox.
4) Copy any file and the program autosends it as an email attachment to the GMail account. The GMail filesize limit of 10 MB applies. The subject line has the filesize and the filename.

Cool stuff!

Hope that doesn't happen yet!

Worst pickup line.... like ever

noreply@blogger.com (Srinivas) — Tue, 31 Jan 2006 15:50:00 +0000

It was mine. :D

Back in 1992. "So, you take French?"

For God's sake it was only on the phone, so technically I could take advantage of the fact thay she had never seen me! (That IS an advantage, believe me! Whenever I fell in love at first sight, the girl would yell at first sight ;) ) Hmmm..... So that was my line - "So, you take French?" And she replied "Yes." And then, doh! it never went anywhere.

After religiously enquiring about all the other courses she could have possibly taken, and passing a few desperate moments in absolute weirdness, I hung up. She hung up.

However it was my first pickup line, and of course, I did not pickup anything! I dropped some things though.. like my self-respect, the chick magnet image that I managed to build within myself ignoring all laws of nature and common sense. As you can tell, most of my crushes and deep loves were one-sided and short-lived.

My misfortune had to do with me. And my screwed up schooling in a boys' school. Ok, I had no choice there. I'd rather blame it on fate.

There were several other things in life that I myself voluntarily messed up. Since my schooling was spoilt (I wasn't, thanks to the stupid freaking school again) I did not have anything useful or useless to do and resorted to studying. I ended up with a decent score that gave me the luxury of choosing a school I wanted (not ANY school I wanted, IITs, Anna University and the the like got filled like months before my turn came) And that is when I screwed up again. Grave, grave, grave. Chose Mechanical Engineering. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, as if I was born to invent some creepy engine tha will run on water or something. Damn It. Even God won't pardon me for that.

That was Boys II of my life. (Since it involved a lot of 'man'ual labor, it is very uncommon in India for girls to take Mechanical) Not a single girl in my class. I am not saying there were no single girls, there were NO GIRLS. All through my four years of undergrad, ALL my senior classes had samples of womankind, ALL my junior classes had some representation of girls. So I was a loser all along, teaming up with a bunch of other losers who claimed that we wouldn't see girls anyways, since we didn't trust girls, girls were a waste of time, girls were mean and any other false propoganda we could think of to defend our weakness with the weaker sex.

Thats a lot of cribbing. Anyways I have evolved as a better stud after those days, got better towards the final year... On Valentine's Day, I cut out hearts and distributed them to the good looking girls (its very hard to use plural here, but anything for my dear college girls), used the hollow heart shapes to give broken hearts to the not-so-goodlooking ones. And forced a foot long rose to a junior girl, etcetera, etcetera.

During my masters I did a lot better, cut off all my guy friends and strictly spoke to girls. So now I have better pickup and keepup lines but still ain't happening, may be its not just the lines.